Ready for 2012!

I have always hated celebrating the New Years holiday, mostly because all my younger life, December 31st was my dad's birthday, therefor not a holiday to go out and celebrate.  But now that I'm all grown up, it's still just another day.  Since meeting my husband though, I have started to celebrate/toast off the passing year.

On December 31, 2007 I toasted to a beautiful wedding, and a start to some other dreams in my future.  Our wedding was everything I wanted and had planned it to be, and Mark and I were doing very good.

On December 31, 2008 I toasted to hopefully getting pregnant.  I got pregnant in October 2009.

On December 31, 2009 I toasted to a healthy baby and wonderful family time.  I got the healthy beautiful baby in July 2010 - the wonderful family time, not so much...  this is where the curse started for me!  In May 2010 my mom died from schleroderma.  My world quite literally fell apart.  If I had not been 7 1/2 months pregnant, I'm not sure I'd have made it through.  A lot of hateful and hurtful things came out of my mom's death, and people's opinion of me and my person, and it made it really hard to move forward, when finally I had to walk away.  Definitely not an easy decision and one I'm pretty sure my mom would hate me for, but I could only take so much.   I wish things had not escalated to where they did, but it happened, and you can only move forward if it's to be repaired.  Living in the past and holding onto the hurt, is not healthy, unfortunately something you only learn with time.

On December 31, 2010 I toasted to continued health of my son, and hope to further my family brood, and to quit my job.  In February 2011 I found out I was pregnant again, and in October 2011 my second healthy beautiful son was born.  In April 2011 I was able to quit and be a stay-at-home mom.  But this year also had it's share of downfalls.  Only thing was I couldn't please anyone that was involved in the differences of opinions.  My marriage almost fell apart, my sense of worth was shattered, and I held on stronger and stronger to my children, who had become my saving grace. 

Today on December 31, 2011 I'm toasting to a new start, health upon my children and loved ones, strength to never be less than true to myself, and the pride to not give a damn what others think.  I have learned so much about myself this year, and while I'm glad I learned these things both good and bad about myself, I just wish I had learned them under totally different circumstances.  

In 2012, I'm going to be proud of who I am, and where I come from.  If I have to change who I am to be a part of your life, then I'm not important enough to be a part of it.  And I want to quit judging others (it's not my job) and accept them for who they are. 


"If you judge people, you have no time to love them" - Mother Teresa